Let me introduce myself, I am a 40 year old male, married to a perfect woman(perfect to me) with three amazing kids, 13,12 and 7 years old.
I met my wife when I was 23 and she was 18, she has always been my rock, we dated got pregnant and got married, we have had our ups and downs but nothing that I thought would bring us to where we are right now, and that right now is living together, separated under the same roof.
we are amazing parents, I say that very proudly as I love my kids more than anything or anyone in this world.
I had always dreamt of the type of family we have but I took my wife for granted and just like many men/woman out there, I thought we would be together forever, even though I was doing nothing to ensure that.
So now I’ve been forced to look at a monster, this creature that has shattered my most precious relationship, this horrible thing that no one should of ever loved for as long as it was loved, see, this creature was loved by an amazing person who tried very hard to get it to be its best, of course this creature it’s me.
it’s hard to think of oneself and realize that you don’t like yourself, because if you don’t like yourself how can you expect anyone else to like you, well I don’t like my old self and I’m working towards a new me, a more understanding, loving, caring person, someone who knows how to share his emotions without hurting the people I love.
I have come to realize in the last two months that I was controlling my wife, I could blame culture, upbringing, not knowing etc, and I have, until I finally started taking ownership of it all , I started researching the great web to try and find a way to bring her back RIGHT NOW, and then realize that I do t want her to come back right now, because if she does I am not ready to give her my best, because I am working on myself, I can’t work on us right now.
do I miss her? More than I miss breathing, I see her walk by and I feel weak, I miss her emotionally and physically, I miss her looking for me, sitting on my lap, talking to me and being in love with me.
it is hard to understand that the only chance I have to attract her back is by working just on myself.
But here I am, one day at a time, staying positive or at least trying to stay positive, it is hard, it sucks, but it’s worth it, I am a mess of emotions, I have to keep it together when I’m around her and the kids, even though when I close the bathroom door tears start to fall.
I am hurting but that’s OK, this had to happen for me, so I can be the best version of myself.